12 years ago while studying in MBBS I went by myself to get my passport renewed. I was naive, didn’t know what to expect but put in my best effort to carry all the documents to my appointment in Bangalore. For someone like me who has aced competitive exams, government paperwork seemed so easy. I am a legit law abiding citizen, I have my documents, I will be out before I know it. I was even early to my appointment.
Of course, as soon as I entered the passport building, the maze was dizzying. I felt lost immediately. even before I could gather my bearings, I was being hurried to go to an officer. Even before I could settle down, I had instructions hurled at me hurriedly as if I was slow. I was used to people being rude and dismissive because I was a child. I know I was of legal age to be myself so I mustered up the courage to tell the officer why I was there and showed all my documents who reviewed it and asked me to wait.
Within seconds I was back to the queue to wait for my turn. By then, my heart rate was up, anxiety was up and I felt lost. I was feeling unsafe and scared in this foreign office in my city. My brain was gathering evidence to understand what I had done wrong. No feedback of any kind except that I was slow and causing trouble as per their rude and dismissive tone.
I tried to calm myself and stay positive for the picture. Afterall this photo is going to be with me for 10 years. I tried to smile and was whisked to another officer. Given how i was being graduated to see yet another officer and not sent away, I was positive that things were going well and this mightmare will end soon. However, this person was disappointed for wasting her time and shaked her head and kept asking for documents. she was asking for a specific document that Ive never heard and got upset when i didnt produce anything. She sent me to her supervisor to figure this out.
I was applying for a tatkaal passport and I didnt have a specific document to prove why I was applying for this category. I had a trip planned with my family. We wanted to travel abroad to make this happen. I got emotional but nobody care. the form was missing.
I was so disappointed when I was sent out without a passport. i might have cried too – i dont recall but my experience with indian passport renewal has deep rooted PTSD.
I learned a lot during that experience. Unless there is a document proving every word on your application, it is almost as if I was lying or fake. Finally I was getting a glimpse into the government office world. I had just started studying at a government college so I connected the dots with the officer’s behavior, hurried atmosphere for no reason, unclear instructions. We were herded around like sheep in a barn vs as humans who have brains to understand basic instructions. I felt embarassed.
When I went back to Boston VFS for my passport renewal in the US several years later, my body remembered every slight that occured in the bangalore passport seva kendra. I reminded myself that I was an adult now living in the US with different experiences so far. The world has changed, grown and the technology has evolved and that my experience was going to be better. Unfortunately, the VFS online portal and indian embassy portal didnt instill much confidence. I sensed disappointment coming my way. I kept pushing every negative thought with a grateful one.
I was grateful that
- i can afford to apply for passport renewal in the US
- India offers passport renewal for NRIs in the US
- i lived closed to a passport application office
I filled out the online passport renewal application. I couldnt upload a photograph. so frustrating.
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